Heidi, a little Swiss orphan girl, is five years old, she is taken by her Aunt
Detie to live with her grandfather. His home is high up on the mountain slopes.
He has quarreled with those who live down below in the village of
Dörfli, where he is known as “Uncle Avalanche” because of his habit of rolling
snowballs down the hill whenever he is pissed off.
and Heidi get on very well together, and she settles happily into her new home.
She spends many enjoyable hours fooling around up on the high pastures with
Peter, who looks after the villagers' goats. She also very much enjoys visiting
Peter's blind grandmother, whom she calls Grannie. This is because Grannie is a
great cook and also because she cannot see when Heidi steals things.
years later her Aunt Detie, who owns a house of ill repute in Frankfurt,
Germany, comes to see her. She takes Heidi to live in Frankfurt as a companion
to a girl called Clara Sesemann, who is unable to walk.
her father, and her Grandmamma all become very fond of the little Swiss girl.
However, Miss Rottenmeier, the Sesemann housekeeper, does not like Heidi
because she has scruffy clothes, cannot read, and has not learned how
to behave in a grand house. Heidi does things which Miss Rottenmeier
thinks are very naughty, like wiping her nose on her sleeve, getting tattooed, running
with a gang and bringing home boys to spend the night..
time goes by, Heidi becomes more and more homesick. Clara's Grandmamma sees
that she is unhappy. She makes sure that Heidi learns to read and gives her a
subscription to Playgirl Magazine to help. Heidi loves to look at the pictures
but is still unhappy and starts to sleepwalk. It is at this point that Clara's
doctor, Dr. Classen, insists that Heidi be allowed to return to her grandfather.
in the mountains, Heidi shares her new ability to read with Grandfather. He arranges
to live in the village during the winter so that Heidi can go to school. Dr.
Classen, Clara, Grandmamma and Mr. Sesemann all travel from Frankfurt to visit
Heidi. Aunt Detie wants to accompany them but business is good at her
whorehouse and she is too busy with her career. Clara is allowed to stay with
Heidi in the hut on the mountain, and with Grandfather's help she eventually learns to
Before that time, Peter
the goatherd is angry with Clara for taking Heidi's attention away from
him, so he pushes her wheelchair over a cliff into the valley below.
However, Grandmamma understands why he has done this. She knows that he feels
guilty, so instead of punishing him she rewards him with some money. He
continues doing this and makes a decent living out of it. The Sesemann family
gives presents to Heidi and to Peter's blind grandmother in order to make their
lives more comfortable. They promise Heidi's grandfather that they will try
their best to keep Heidi out of prison and to make sure she is taken care of
after his death.
HUMPTY DUMPTY, THE
by Mother Goose
Humpty Dumpty was a bad egg. He
was really hard boiled. He felt rules
were not for him; that nobody could tell him
what to do. One day while rolling down
the street, he saw a sign which said, “Caution!! Do not sit on wall.” So he climbed up (not easy for an egg to do)
and sat on it. He realized then that the
wall was not finished and the top was sloped, but he was too tough to care.
When the King’s horses and the King’s men arrived to finish work on the
wall they found Humpty Dumpty lying at its foot, with multiple cracks in his
shell. They tried but couldn’t put him
back together so they called an ambulance and rushed him to the nearest
restaurant where they found that even though his shell
was cracked beyond repair the
rest of him was still edible. He was chopped, mixed with mayonnaise &
celery & made into a delicious egg salad. My Ducky, Shirley, sent me this & I had to include it: Once upon a time there lived a King who had the most beautiful daughter. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what: Metal Wood Stone Anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The King despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the King, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured." The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth. THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE. The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the Princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the Princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt some thing very hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The King was over joyed. Everybody in the kingdom was over joyed. And the Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever after.
Question: What was in the Prince's pants?
M&M's, of course! They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. What on earth were you thinking?